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Salty & Peri: a perimenopausal podcast
Perimenopause content is everywhere, and we're not even about to tell you to eat more protein, get more exercise, or optimize your sleep.
Salty & Peri is all things perimenopause, and why we're salty about it.
Buckle up for a NSFW convo with Nix and friends about midlife: dry vag, dating after divorce, career changes, new identities, and navigating whatever else gets unhinged in our 40s.
Salty & Peri: a perimenopausal podcast
Episode 2: Unapologetically Unhinged
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Nix, Aims and Apes sit around and chat about the stories we tell ourselves, fears, and zero apologies needed. We've changed and we're okay with it.
Let’s Connect!
Follow the conversation on Substack or send us an email at saltyandperi@gmail.com.
Disclaimer: This content is not medical advice and does not replace consultation with a qualified healthcare provider. Always seek professional medical advice.
The Gals
SPEAKER_02This is Salty and Perry, where we talk about all things parry menopause and why we're salty about them. I have two very special guests today. And they're gonna be with me regularly because I don't know anyone. Ames. Ames and apes. But I call apes rock. Yep.
SPEAKER_00I'm just Ames. Yeah. Nick. Rig. You'll hear several nicknames. Hawk. Gibraltar. Gibraltar.
SPEAKER_01Rock and Gibraltar.
SPEAKER_00I know you guys all have like five million. Here we are. We're here.
SPEAKER_02So we've known each other 20, what, 20 years? 25 years, 26 years. What year is it? Shit.
SPEAKER_01We met Ames like probably around 2002. Like not two or three.
SPEAKER_02So like we we pretty much knew each other when we would just go out, we would go out and get hammers. We'd go out, drink.
SPEAKER_01We were like living like our best 20-something lives together.
SPEAKER_02And now we're like, let me send you this recipe and talk about the birds that we look at.
SPEAKER_00And doing a podcast on how our vaginas are dry.
SPEAKER_02And speak for yourself. Vitamin E helps with dry vag, by the way. Okay.
SPEAKER_01It's
Vulnerability And Self Stories
SPEAKER_01good to know.
SPEAKER_02So one of the things I I told you what I wanted to talk about today. And um it could be, it probably could be a little vulnerable. Um, like stories we tell ourselves, basically.
SPEAKER_00Um how does that make you feel? The stories I tell myself makes me feel like shit. No, the idea of being vulnerable.
SPEAKER_02Me, hard. That's hard for me. I don't like to be vulnerable.
SPEAKER_00I the fact that you called it vulnerable before you even said the subject and the theme. You're like, it's gonna be vulnerable. Watch out.
SPEAKER_02Because it is, it's a story that as we get older, like everyone has stories about themselves. Or yeah, like what you know, limitations that you feel like, oh, I'm of this age, or like okay, in my 20s, my story was like, because I had I had like cystic acne on my face, and I was like, no one, no one thinks I'm pretty cuz I have these it's on my face. So it's like now, like, what are the stories we start to tell ourselves? Okay, I want to know what part of your identity has felt the most challenged by this transition, and by transition I mean fuck this age right now. Say the question again? What part of your identity has been challenged
Body Changes
SPEAKER_02or has felt the most challenged by all these transitions?
SPEAKER_01I mean, the first thing that comes to mind is my literal body. Right. Like, I'm like my hip. Why are things like bother like the why do I have to be so much more careful to bend over to tie my shit? Like I have to be so intentional about just how I move my body and like making sure I can still touch my toes comfortably. It is like, you know, I I feel like just yeah, just my aging body I'm noticing.
SPEAKER_00Like there's just it's always for me, it's always yeah, it's managing what level of like chronic pain I'm dealing with on any given day. Yeah. Like the the time I feel like good in my body without like some sort of ache or soreness or recovery of some back injury of some sort, or like I feel like I'm constantly getting these little like micro injuries.
SPEAKER_02So, what's the story though that you're saying around it for yourself?
SPEAKER_00That I'm fucking old. Yeah, that I'm fucking old.
SPEAKER_01And I have to tell myself, like, Joe's really good about this. He's like age, just a number, you know. Like he's like, he doesn't want to think about it. But he's really been going to the gym, like, so he's always trying to. I'm trying to take a little bit of him, and I'm also trying to give him a reality. I'm like, also, you're a man, there's it's a completely different experience, like how our bodies are aging. I'm like, you do have to realize our bodies are changing. I know you don't want to think you're not Ola. We are older. That's just yeah, facts. Yep, doesn't mean I'm kicking it in and I'm not giving up right now. It's just an acknowledgement that my body is different. Yeah, and just like I think just acknowledging mortality, I put aging parents, you know, like just I'm yeah, just more self-aware of my own mortality and my own limitations, and I don't want to succumb to them, and I want to make sure that I'm still active and combating those things as healthily, you know, as I can. But yeah, that story is you're old as fuck, girl. Or you're getting there, getting your way.
SPEAKER_00And I think it's very well said, April. I think the the big thing that on the second thought after that first one is I'm fucking old, is like I gotta, yeah, I gotta like make sure that I'm aging as well as I can because I am aging, and I think that's just the biggest first hurdle realization that you have to do.
SPEAKER_01And I want to enjoy my life.
SPEAKER_001000%.
SPEAKER_01I want to enjoy getting older because there are aspects of it that I am looking forward to, but I don't want to do it before my time.
SPEAKER_00Well, and also speaking personally for myself, like seeing my mother age and like having her live with me the last six years of her life, like I had a front row seat to what aging badly looked like. And so it is very much like oh my god, I have a finite amount of time left on this earth, and I better make sure that I'm I'm spending those that time wisely and well and healthily. Um, but at the same time, also that feeling of I don't give a fuck. Like I am really, I think partly because after turning 40, but also having overcome a huge illness, I'm very much on the like, yeah, I only have a little bit of time left here. Like I'm going to do what absolutely I'm choosing and feeling 100% choosing to do on any given day, moment, whatever. We're finally at an age where we've lived some fucking life. But we still have a lot of life left to live.
SPEAKER_01I'm still having regular periods. Yes, as am I. I mean, I don't know for how much longer, but I feel like I'm like, really? I'm like, I'm ready for the cra like the cramps have not Are they getting worse though? You know, I'm just I live on Advil for the first three days because they're so bad. Like, I mean, they go all the way down to my thighs. I think they've actually gotten worse as I've gotten older. I mean, they were always
Our Younger Years
SPEAKER_01very uncomfortable. I always had cramps, but kind of where I feel that my boobs are a lot more tender, and I definitely start cramping like days before I start, like up to a week before.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow. Yeah, it's fun.
SPEAKER_02Well, okay, but as you're going through this, okay, and I think about like oh, I want to be 20-something again, but I also think about what I was like internally and like how I felt at in that age. Like, do you want to go back or do you feel like fuck at that shit?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_02Because like, I mean, you wake up, you're like, okay, so you're in your 20s, you're you wake up and say you're hungover and you're like upset because of something that happened the night before, and like you analyzed everything. I mean, let's be really still analyze things, but like I cared more, I think. Like people's opinions, you know, you cared more about like so it's like the insecurities that you had.
SPEAKER_01Like, I don't know. I don't, I'm so much more confident now about all of the stuff that in my early 20s, yeah. Like sexually, like I was so naive and so inexperienced. So that, but like the recovery time, the physical recovery time, that I do miss. Right. But that's when I was meeting you guys too. So we were having so much fun. Like it was pretty, pretty ideal and dreamy, but yeah, we were all like, you'd you've only lived 25 years.
SPEAKER_02I can't believe we've only been on the planet for 25 years. Like we were ding dongs, like, how did we not die? I know. The shit we got ourselves into constantly. How did we not get murdered? I've been I went on a night hike. Seriously. I went on a night hike on a first date. What the fuck was I thinking a night hike?
SPEAKER_01Shovel Anatomy.
SPEAKER_02Yes, into into into like the Burbank Hills. Like, yeah, this is good. I don't know this guy. Let's go for let's go for a night hike. Seriously. What the fuck was I thinking? Yeah. I know. I'm like, luckily he didn't kill me. He just he dumped me after I made a meatloaf. But he's regretting that. He like came over. Yeah, it was really weird date. Like, he came over, and I was like, I don't know how to cook really at this point. So I have a Weight Watcher's Meatloaf recipe. A Weight Watchers Meatloaf recipe. I made that shit. And we had meatloaf, and then like we're sitting on the couch watching something, and then he's like just kind of like suddenly he's like gets up and he's like, I'm gonna go now. And I was like, Oh, I mean, like, it was like second date, we had like good vibes. And then I was like, was it the meatloaf? And then no, and then he bailed never to hear from him again.
SPEAKER_01Well, you've more than showed that I did his girl knows how to cook, so jokes on him.
SPEAKER_02He was like, I should have killed this bitch on our first date when I took her hiking.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02Oh, I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Stupid shit. Such horrible dates. Yeah, I don't I don't miss that time. No.
SPEAKER_02I think that like, I mean, one of the stories is just like that.
SPEAKER_00Why are you sitting like that?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. I'm stretching my back. My ribs are she's holding court. My ri I'm rubbing my ribs.
SPEAKER_00Your ribs hurt. Okay. The story, yeah. I mean, that's the physical part.
SPEAKER_02The physical story, but the emotional story. Like a rat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah,
Work Anxiety And Ageism Fears
SPEAKER_00the emotional story that is attached to the physical story.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like it's like they're layered. Yeah, it's not just I'm old, it's like, what does that mean? Right. Like, I think I can't keep up with people at work. I'm like, oh, I'm gonna get laid off and I'm not and I'm gonna be uh working at the movie theater that that has a shirt that says foam crew on it. That's my like that's what's gonna happen to me. Or I'm gonna go to Subway and I'm gonna be a sandwich on this and I'm gonna be like 65. And then it'll be it'll be like my future that I saw when I was 25. I was like, there's no way that would ever be me. And then I suddenly the old lady, and it's like this full moment. No, I'm where I talk to where I'm working at Subway and I look into the eyes of a 25-year-old girl, and she's like, This poor woman. And I'm like looking at her, and I'm like, you are me and I am you. Like, that's what I'm seeing. Yeah, I am you, yeah. Like that's fuck that's the story I'm telling myself that I am going to get laid off because I am not, I can't keep up. My brain is just like deteriorating. That's the story I'm telling myself. And because my brain is changing right now. Our brain, all our brains are changing, and like things are becoming like my high functioning ADHD. It's like, oh, this is what's coming out now. I'm like, what? Oh, all the coping skills that I had in my 20s are gone now, you know. So all these stories that I'm telling myself is like, okay, I'm gonna lose my job. I'm gonna work at Subway or film crew at AMC Theaters. GameStop. GameStop. I mean, like, they're gonna, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be that old hire, fine. And then and I'm working with all kids too, and I'm like fucking out, and they're like going out and they're not inviting me, even though I want to go too. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I needed you guys potholders for that's the story I tell myself.
SPEAKER_00See, I'm in denial about that. I can't like I'm feeling it a little bit. Like, I I had a meeting uh about potential work last week, and it was my like second conversation with them, and it was just gonna be like the final, just like the vibe check, like, yeah, meet the owners, blah blah blah. And I thought it went really well, and I didn't fucking get it. And I was telling, I'm like, I can't remember the last time I haven't gotten a job that I had interviewed for. Yeah, and like not to toot my own horn, but I'm a really good interviewer. Um and the thought did cross my mind, like, oh my god, am I am I getting to the age now where I'm not it's totally age?
SPEAKER_01I'm experiencing ageism, so I mean I well then that makes sense is why like you're not having these thoughts out of the blue, like you're having them because you're having these experiences.
SPEAKER_02Well, I mean, it's true though. I mean, like motivating. Well, I had one like big experience where I interviewed.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, Ames, continue with your I was done. Um I was just agreeing with you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I had one experience where Tell us I interviewed for a job, it was a tech job. Uh, I was qualified. I mean, like, and afterwards they they told me like they they're like, we're gonna pass, and it's like, why? I asked for feedback and they said, You're overqualified, and that means you're too old for us, or you're just you know what I mean? Like, if you're not and and it's true though, like I've had, oh my god, you guys don't even know. I had a job interview. I hope this doesn't happen. Where I filled out, I filled out I sent all the things, and this the company reached out and they were like, Okay, we want to move forward with interviewing you to make it fun. We want you to send us a three to five minute video of yourself talking about why you want to work here. And I was like, pass. I don't want to work. I was like, I can't work for a company that I can't, and this is a thing now that's happening. Like the light died in my eyes a long time ago. No one needs a video of me.
SPEAKER_01It's such a strange request.
SPEAKER_02No one, like, I can't like they're now at work. Some of the my coworkers are making videos and sending them to customers, like videos that to requested videos. No, they're like emailing videos like, hey, you have I I haven't heard from you. And like they're trying to elicit response. And they were like, Oh, that's a great idea. I was like, no customer, no, I will not send a video of myself, first of all, who again, dead eyes, like trying to act like hey, I haven't talked to you forever. I'm so I can't uh cannot really want to talk to you. Like, that's the video. I would love to, I love you and I want to help you. Like me, all desperate, McGee. Like, there's no way I can do that. Like, no way. I have a hard enough time. Like, my career goal is a Jane Austen novel. Like, it is the sitting room where I stand up and I go, let's take a turn around the room. Will I see you in a fortnight? Yeah, will you come back for tea in a fortnight? That's that's the career goal. So that's
Starting Over And New Creative Fuel
SPEAKER_02what I mean. Like I mean the very specific story that I tell myself. So, like you haven't gone there yet, though. What about you, Rock?
SPEAKER_01Um, I don't know. I mean, I think it would be nice to like I just I I wonder like how long am I gonna be in I've been in that apartment for 16 years. Like, what is my future gonna look like? Like, you know, will I which I'm happy to stay in, but I do think about these things like in terms of like, you know You're gonna work at AMC with me? I like my job, like fortunately, you know, it's different, it's personal, so um, I've been there on nine years, you know. So it works. I'm I'm happy there, but I do like you know, creatively and stuff, like working on that, like you know, that's a harder like fire to maintain like the creative stuff. I know. I just don't have a full like I had a band, you know, for ten years. It just was kind of like it was it worked for it, you know, worked for me, but so now it's like I'm having to curate that and be more intentional about it, which I'm I'm proud of myself so far. Yeah, I'm just saying yes to podcasts. Paying yes to podcasts. I did like a vaudeville show, they want me to come back for the next one. Like they go sing in background and harmonies with people and stuff, you know. But I do wonder you know, how many more opportunities and stuff like are out there for that kind of stuff, you know.
SPEAKER_00And we have a friend, Suze, who went back to something that she was doing at younger age and which was acting and really loved it and took a break, but much later went back to it and is loving it and just doing it. Like I'm always that part still realizing that it isn't a story that I tell myself because I'm always I've always been good about that with myself of like just you can always try over, you can always like start again.
SPEAKER_02Like if I had the energy, I would go back to school right now. I just don't have the energy and I don't have the money.
SPEAKER_01School sounds fun now.
SPEAKER_02Right? Like I would totally go back, and but I'm like eh.
SPEAKER_00Learning to me makes me feel alive. I know that sounds weird. I loved what you said that uh alive. It sounds weird, but you know, I think I think one of the stories that I tell myself, I think mostly the one that's resonating with me the most is like I'm old, but I'm not dead yet. You know, like I'm always trying something new, like gardening. I've been really into gardening, and I get it now. I think that's why like women, especially of a certain age, get into it, get into it because it is, it's very like it scratches all of the little things for me. It I get to be creative, um, it gets me outside. It's physical. I'm squatting, I'm lifting things, I'm having like I work up a sweat when I'm working out in the yard. And it's meditative.
SPEAKER_01It's like And you get to see the actual fruits of your label.
SPEAKER_00Productive, exactly. Yeah, it ticks like and scratches. I'm talking like I enjoy it.
SPEAKER_02I don't get into it. I haven't my allergies. I love people that did it. I do. I I respect it. I want to do it. I want like I just feel like I don't have I just it for whatever reason. Okay. Energy and I haven't had my tetanus shot updated, so I'm paranoid that I'm gonna get tetanus.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. I don't have time to garden. I'm too busy worrying about tetanus. And I don't have time to garden. I'm too busy working, I'm gonna work in subway.
SPEAKER_02And then and then, but I don't I'm usually Ranny usually does the garden stuff and I do inside the house. I'm like baking bread and doing the things.
SPEAKER_00And obsessively cleaning.
SPEAKER_02And obsessively cleaning. I feel like I've like I have like the indoor stuff that I do.
SPEAKER_01I'm what you'd call indoorsy.
SPEAKER_02All right, bitches. Let's see. What's the what news story are you telling yourself now about who you are becoming?
SPEAKER_00That I'm fucking badass.
SPEAKER_01We were all aging, but I'm not dead yet. Yes, you know, like not dead yet. Well, yeah, like yeah, there's time to learn. All those things you guys were saying, like, there's time to learn, there's more, like that's it that's encouraging to me. Is like I yeah, it feels I'm the oldest I've ever been right now. So that feels weird. But in the grand scheme of things and where how long I intend on living, I still have so much more I have energy, it's still there. Let's harness it, yeah, let's pro elongate it, let's meditate, let's stretch, let's try to like I wanna start like caring for this body a little bit more because I want it to last. Yeah, and I know that I can, so it's like just even if it's just getting on a treadmill a couple times a week, like I I now also because recovery time takes so much longer, but actually the effects I feel so much I feel immediately just from walking, like
Invisibility And Dropping The Apologies
SPEAKER_01in terms of my joints and all of that.
SPEAKER_02Okay, I need to know you feel like you're becoming invisible now. Yes, okay, when did that start? You know, I'll tell you when it started for me. Lean on Pete, and we were extras, there were some. Younger guys there. And I like one of them, there was a hotter girl. One of them, like, I was standing in front of him, and the hot girl's behind me, and he looked past me and he walked right into my body. I was quite literally invisible. He walked almost through me to get to another woman. And I was like, that has never happened before. I was in my 30s, though. I was still in my 30s, but I started to become invisible at 35 for a lot. Now I'm like no one's a geriatric thing.
SPEAKER_01We're like, ew, it's death. It's not like death over there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, now there's no, like now it's like, are you kidding me? No one looks at me. If they look at me, they're terrified. Yeah. They're like, is she going to curse us?
SPEAKER_00She has to be.
SPEAKER_02Did she does she tell our fortunes? Is she gonna steal our money? Like what look her in the eye. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, I mean, I'm trying to remember when I it's definitely been since my 40s and probably like late 30s as well. I think especially because my hair went gray, you know, and I was wearing it natural. And you know, yeah, it's yeah, my hair's gray too. It's dirty gray. No, it's been, I think I maybe stayed visible a little bit longer just because I'm so fucking tall. That's it. If you were taller, you would have, you know, been seen more.
SPEAKER_02I'll just look over your head. Exactly. Now I mean now my belly's gotten bigger, so my boobs don't look as big either.
SPEAKER_00Well, you're also not wearing, you know, a lot of cleavage shirts anymore like you used to. What's something you've stopped apologizing for during this time?
SPEAKER_03Hmm. I can start. I have stopped apologizing for taking up space.
SPEAKER_02Like, for example, standing in line for something and I'm not moving fast enough for the person next to me. Oh yeah. Instead of I'm sorry. If I say I'm sorry, it's like, oh, I'm sorry, like it's like that, not like, oh, I need to, you know, not like I really like would shrink from people, but like less like last week I took I took my Trader Joe's bags and went to Trader Joe's and like the girl was packing it. Like everyone seemed really annoyed that day, which is weird for Trader Joe's employees. They're always so happy. And she reaches into my bag and she like pulls her hand out and then she looks at the guy ringing up, she's like, and like upset about something, and like she went, she goes and gets me another bag, and I was like, What's going on? She's like, There's something in your bag, and I was like, Oh, what is it? She's like, It's like a tomato tomato juice or something. And I was like, Oh, and I look in it, it's like a tomato from my plant, like somehow a tomato ended up in there, and she like got it on her hand. And I looked at her and she was being such an asshole, I didn't say I'm sorry. I was like, Okay.
SPEAKER_01Nice. I stopped apologizing for tomatoes. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I stopped. That's my like but I stopped apologizing for like other people, other people's discomfort, other people's discomfort. But also, it's not my fault. Yeah, and also you were a dick about it, so you're not getting a sorry from me, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, I definitely I think the thing that I've been trying to do less of is yeah, always feel like I have to make the other person feel comfortable. Oh yeah. Like it isn't that's not my job. Yeah, that is not my job. Um, and I think because it's so much of what I do at work, it just naturally like went into all areas of my life, and because that's what I I mean, truth be told, that's what I had to do my whole childhood with my parents, especially my dad, is just like make sure that he's like okay, always okay, and yeah, you know, so I think that's something that I've really noticed that I'm not doing as much anymore because I don't have to.
SPEAKER_03I'm reminding myself that, like yeah, um that's been the big one for me.
SPEAKER_00Like that, I can't especially with men. I think I probably need to apologize more.
Hemorrhoids, Reality Checks, And Goodbye
SPEAKER_01What have I stopped doing? I put the kibosh on the hemorrhoids. So I sit for my job. The hemorrhoids is too much. This age. Yep, it's real.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for listening to another episode of Salty and Perry. We're figuring this out as we go, just like Perry Menopause. Follow the show and leave a review if you liked what you heard. It helps more women find us. And tell us what's happening for you. What do you want us to talk about next? Drop us a note at saltyandperry at gmail.com.
